“Knowing”

I thought I loved her but it turns out she didn’t. “I hate sleeping alone,” she said. So do I, I thought. But I don’t tell everyone. I don’t say it to her. Why would she say that to me? I think she did it on purpose. She said she had had seven shots that night. I didn’t believe her. I had never seen her drink before. That was probably on purpose too. I felt like everything she did was intentional when we were together. I didn’t like that. I mean, everything I did when we were together was intentional. But she knew why that was. She made me die a little death every time she hid something from me. Maybe it wasn’t such a little death. Christ, I knew it wasn’t a little death. It mattered too much to me. She knew it too. She knew everything I knew and she knew that I knew it. I could never tell if she was proud of that knowledge or ashamed of it. She was hiding that too, I guess. Thunder. Snow. Heat. Rain. I want to stay inside. Sunshine. Warmth. I want to go outside. Maybe she knew how to control that. I guess I could ask the doctor about that next time. Can she control the weather? No. But she knows how to control everything else, I would say. Son, you sound crazy. Stop thinking like that. Worry about the flu, instead. It’s an airborne disease, you know. I’m pretty sure mind control is airborne, too. She knows about the air. She has all the information. She knows she has more information than me. That’s impossible, the doctor would say. No one could live if they knew everything.